How I live Now

So I like those weird, different, indie movies. Okay, you caught me. I actually LOVE them. Growing up, every Saturday night my family and I would go out to Cici’s in the next town over (My town was/is substantially tiny: We now have a subway and a sonic).

Anyways, we’d gorge ourselves on pasta and pizza..still my favorite place ever to go out..and afterwards we’d go to Hollywood Video (before it ran out of business) and we’d rent about three videos. One that my dad had been wanting to watch, one my brother wanted to watch, and one I wanted to watch. My mom didn’t really care that much. It was a tradition that lasted a long time. When Hollywood shut down, we sometimes went to Blockbuster or the Video Place. Then Redbox came along. We grew up, my brother got a family and moved out, I started college, etc. We rarely ever do that anymore.

I’m telling you this story because I grew up on mainstream movies. It wasn’t a bad childhood. I actually loved our Saturday nights. Driving to the next town jamming out to 80s night on the radio. Stuffing our faces with fatty foods. Watching action movies and the one random romance I wanted to watch. It was perfect.

I guess it started my junior year of high school. I was on youtube to watch one video. You know how that goes. Pretty soon I got to trailers I never saw. Then my family got netflix and I clicked on the Independent category…and my relationship with indie flicks prospered from there.

The last three indie movies I watched: How I Live Now, Stuck in Love, and The Lifeguard.

Stuck in Love and The Lifeguard: I love Veronica Mars. Why is this relevant? Well Kristen Bell is Veronica Mars. Imagine my surprise when I find out that Kristen Bell is actually what seems to be a pretty cool person off screen. So I follow her and everything she does. She stars in The Lifeguard and she’s a supporting role in Stuck in Love. Both great movies. WATCH THEM.

I came across the How I Live Now trailer on youtube. It recommended it to me since I liked The Host, starring Saoirse Ronan. This indie film also starred Ronan. I watched the trailer and I had goosebumps from just the trailer. (You know it’s going to be good when that happens). Anyways, watched it. Loved it. yada yada yada.

One of the things I love most about indie films? (Because there is no way I can narrow it down to just one) The soundtracks. Ahhh. Such greatness.

Now down to the reason I wrote this whole post, this song: Home by Daughter, which I got from How I Live Now. It’s my song of the week. And month, and so on….<3  I love it because I can relate. And that’s all anyone ever wants to do. Relate.

So enjoy. And before anyone asks, yes I realize this is an “old” song by release date terms and that yes, maybe you’ve already heard it before. Relaxxxx. Listen to her lilting, haunting voice again. ENJOY.

 

Family is a real pain.

Family.. If you are blessed to have a decent one, they know you better than any other people out there ever will. Today though, I want to talk about my brother. It’s his birthday, that’s why. He is 24.

I posted this facebook status: Dear Brother, Brudder, Broseph, Broham, Broski, Brosepher, Bubba, Bubs, Bro, Fatman, Dou– no okay, I’ll stop my list of names for you since it’s your birthday. Anyways. You’re the best brother I’ve ever had. Well, you’re the only brother I’ve ever had so I guess that’s not saying much. You basically know everything. We’re blood. You’re annoying as all get out but I don’t know how I would have survived the terrible teen angst without you. You always listen to my rants even when you don’t want to. You know me better than anyone else. I don’t care who you say your best friend is. You’re always gonna be mine and I’ll always be there for you when others aren’t. I may give you some crap about it but that’s just our relationship. Through all the drama and fights we are still, and always will be, BLOOD. I know we aren’t very lovey-dovey like some siblings but guess what? I love you all the same you crazy political, gun-toting Texan!! Don’t do anything to stupid. Ever. Because I can’t imagine my life without you in it. Thanks for giving me the best nephew in the world. I guess you’re pretty neato if you can create that. Props. Happy Birthday Bubs! ♥

So I started out with that facebook status but I soon realized I wanted to write so much more about him and about our relationship and so, brudder, this one’s for you.

Today marks 18 years and 5 months that I have been with this crazy guy. Looking back, I never realized, just how much time I spent with my brother. I still remember the first time my brother made me cry with complete sadness. We were in the kid aisle of HEB playing swords. He was starting to hit puberty, (I didn’t know it then) we were having so much fun–lost in the laughter. That was until three girls his age came turning down the aisle. Suddenly his countenance changed in an instant, like lightning. He stopped playing with me and I said, “Come on bubba, play with me!” He turned towards me angrily, “No, leave me alone.” He then proceeded to turn towards the girls and smile. As the little girl I was, my heart broke, and I ran to go find my mother to cry in her arms. My brother didn’t know how much he had hurt me in that instant. We joke about it now but even as a little girl, I understood that our relationship was changing.

Through the years, I have seen him at his absolute worse but still I look at him in love and care (most of the time.) He has seen me at my worst. He still loves me. I guess the reason for my title, Family is a real pain., is because out of everyone they have the power to hurt you worse than anyone else can. My family and I have had our share of heartaches but I’d like to think that overall we’re awesome.

Our relationship is so much different than it was when we were younger. I guess it’s because we’re both adults now, finding our places in the world. We’re still close and I think growing up has made it easier and more enjoyable to both of us. I think it’s brought us closer because we have serious things we talk about to each other.

My brother is the person I can be my complete self with and I know he won’t judge me. We have our insiders, we have our TV shows (24, Psych, Heroes, etc.), our movies. Sometimes our family gets so annoyed with us but we don’t care because we’re having fun and we couldn’t be this way with anybody else. My brother is one of the few people who can make me smile when I absolutely don’t want to.

The thing with my brother is I know that he’ll be there to listen to me. Always. I am so completely happy that I am not an only child. I cannot imagine my life without this crazy guy. If I didn’t have my brother, I wouldn’t have my nephew. It’s only been two years but family just kind of grabs your heart and ties themselves around it in unbreakable bonds. It would’ve been like when you know something is missing but you can’t figure out what because you’ve never experienced it before. I guess that is what it would’ve been like for me without my brother or my nephew.

My brother has been with me every step of the way. He’s in all of my best memories. He’s this unshakable presence in my life that I wouldn’t trade the world for. My brother. Happy Birthday Bub. I love you to infinity and beyond. You’re my best friend in the whole wide world.