Makeup. What a difference it can make. I mean, I already knew this and you probably did too. But I mean seriously, take me for instance.
For people who regularly read my blog, you know (or should know) that last night was the opening performance of the play my university’s English department is putting on, Twelfth Night by Shakespeare.
So our director told us to put on loads of makeup, especially around the eyes, to make our facial features and expressions easier to see from the audience’s vantage point.
Now, when I was younger (like high school) I used to wear makeup all the time because of well, I was a teen and that’s what most teenage girls were doing at the time. I know, I know, peer pressure and all that. So doing my own makeup for the play was easy. After I got home and it was time to wipe the makeup off, I decided to take a before and after picture that I will put at the end of this blog. Fake me VS. Real me.
The thing was, I was raised in a conservative family in a conservative little Texas town where if you wore any trace of makeup you were considered what my mom likes to term, a Jezebel. So I didn’t really wear much makeup, couldn’t paint my nails, color my hair, anything pretty much every girl does on a regular basis.
I’m not trying to say that I hate my parents for it. I mean, it was annoying being chastised for wearing something that I thought made me look pretty or having momentary embarrassment but I never was like, Ohmygosh, I hate my parents so much! Goodbye cruel world. Woe is me! stuff. It was just…annoying. Now though, I’m thankful for those restrictions because I’ve seen some girls who get addicted to that stuff and have to do it. I’m comfortable with or without it, a nice balance, so kudos to you momma.
My journey with self discovery (makeup & fashion wise) began the summer before I started 7th grade. I was at summer camp and one of my cabin mates was a makeup expert (or so my little 13 year old self thought, looking back she was pretty good though) and she introduced me to what us girls like to call eyeliner. She put it on me for a banquet we were having and I la la la loved it! I thought it made me look older and popped my boring brown eyes out. I was so happy with the results that I was skipping back to our cabin to finish getting ready, I walked in and that’s when it happened. My first hater, my first test of strength as I like to call it. Another very conservative cabin mate looked at me, disgusted, and said, “What happened to your eyes? That is so ugly, you look like a whore.”
Ahhh, the pain of my little 7th grader heart. It was painful then, it was my first experience and I was very conservative also. I felt like a rebel, if only my mother could see me now. Back then, wearing that black eyeliner was like the equivalent of losing my virginity. The Summer I Lost My Makeup Virginity. 😉
I know that seems to some, a little bit much, but for me it was not. So I was already feeling guilty & rebellious (bad mix) and now the second person to see me thought I looked ugly.
I couldn’t do it, my throat started tightening and tears started to well up in my eyes, I felt disappointment I knew would come from my mother if she saw me then and defeat. Alas, my hero, our counselor was there and she chastised the girl and took me by the shoulders, (out of all my years at camp, she was the best counselor I would ever have by far and to this day, she doesn’t know what kind of impact she had on me, I didn’t either) and she said, “Don’t listen to her, you look beautiful. She is just jealous. There will always be girls and people like that, but you can’t let them shake you. You gotta do your own thing. Always.” Ne’er was a truer tale than this. There will always be jealous haters, people who look down on you, people who judge you, people better at stuff than you, etc. One of the biggest things is how you deal with it.
She then took me back to the bathrooms and fixed my face and hair. That was an amazing thing for her to do. Maybe the advice was a little simple and possibly cliche/redundant but for my 13 year old self esteem? It worked like a charm. Everyone else that night told me I look amazing/beautiful/cute/pretty/etc. and from that point on, you could say I was hooked on the high of looking good, aka, makeup.
It wasn’t easy. For the first year, I would try to be sneaky and go to the dollar store down the street and get the cheap stuff. All I wore was eyeliner. I don’t know what happened with my mother, but she relented saying that it would just look weird if I went back to no eyeliner.
8th Grade came around and I started playing with eye shadows, not wearing them to school, just at home with my dollar store makeup pretending I was a beautiful princess or something like that.
High school came and by then I was wearing makeup all the time. I never needed cover-up or foundation though, thankfully I got good genes and acne was not a part of my makeup (genetically speaking, I know, I know, lame pun. Whatever.) I started buying those eye shadows where they tell you exactly how to put it on and what color goes where and I guess that’s how I learned to do my own makeup. I just played around with colors until I found a combo that worked or something I liked.
My mother could never really help me because she didn’t wear that type of stuff and I never asked her. I know a lot of mothers and daughters who bond over stuff like that but I don’t feel any love lost or some type of deprivation. It’s just not who we are or where are relationship is based.
Back in 9th/10th grade, I used to feel like I always had to have makeup on and my hair fixed. I knew (or thought I knew) that I looked fine without makeup. I was lucky to have the support system and family I was born into. They built me up, for the most part, and made me believe that I had some natural help. 11th/12th I still did my makeup but only when I felt like doing it or for special days or church. I didn’t care so much for my appearance and some probably thought I was a slob or some sort but hey, do I see them now? Are their thoughts of me the most important thing on my radar? Nope. Not at all.
Around the time I got pretty good at doing my own makeup, I got kind of, well, tired of it. It’s just that,
1. It’s not me: What I mean is, it’s a cover-up, a facade if you will. It’s a tool used by many to get people to like you or think you’re pretty. I’m not trying to be rude or anything, but I’ve seen people who wear makeup all the time then when it comes time to take it off or they had a bad day or woke up late…..lemme tell you, it is not that pretty. People get so used to what they see on a daily basis that when you decide to take it off or change or what have you, it’s just shocking sometimes. I want people in my life who like me for me. Glasses, braces, (back when I had them) crazy unruly hair and all. I don’t want people in my life who like me for what I represent or look like when I have makeup on. I used to like the looks people gave me when I had makeup on but now I realize that, for the most part, attracted superficial people. And I DON’T like superficial people.
2. I originally wore glasses, then I got contacts in high school and I kind of switched back and forth. Contacts though, can be a bother. Also, half the time I’m tired so I yawn, which causes tears. Back in high school I had it down to a science. Now, that I don’t wear makeup as often as I used to, I’m forgetful. So I go to swipe my eyes or rub them and then I’m like OH crap! I’ve got make up on. How annoying.
3. Oh my word it is so annoying to take off. I use waterproof mascara and eyeliner, because hey, you never know what will happen and I am a hormonal woman. (; And my face is super sensitive so I have to use a special brand of wipes or else my face gets irritated but then I have to rub and rub and rub to get the eyeliner and mascara off. First world problems.
Man this post has gotten long, but I had a lot to say on the subject I guess. So in conclusion, makeup and I have what you call a love/hate relationship. When I need a good confidence booster, I’ll put on makeup and try to look pretty but for the most part, I’m okay in my own skin. When it gets down to it, that’s the most important and number one hardest thing any of us will ever have to learn: Being okay/comfortable/confident in your own skin and making your lot in life work.
Now, one of my favorite things about makeup, is doing it for someone else. I love it when people ask me to do their makeup because I love the look of confidence that enters their eyes once they see themselves. I love giving them tips on how to do it and how to start to learn to do it yourself. I love making a girl feel like they are the most beautiful thing in the world, which they are, with or without makeup. I look at makeup as the making or breaking point of a girl’s first step to being confident and comfortable. Thankfully for me, it was a making point.
Well, that’s me and my journey of self discovery, give or take a few experiences.
Fake me VS. Real me
In the words of an awesome girl who’s recently getting a lot of hate for being confident and comfortable in her own skin:
Don’t you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine.
Anchor Away and Setting Sail 